Story Carrier (the Memoir) is Here

My Hopes and Desires for my First Book

It’s here. On February 29, my memoir, Story Carrier: A Collection of Tales of the Disappeared will be out. (You can order it here (amazon.com/author/janeclark ) This comes from hours of introspection, months of writing, revising, and careful deliberation about how to characterize the stories carried by the women in my family. Stories that, in some instances, had never been told. Stories that were carried silently. Sharing private family stories challenged me to balance the need to tell my truth with the fact that, in some instances, I could not know the entire story. You’ll have to read the book to know what I mean here, but suffice it to say, memoir writing is a humbling experience.  

You may be wondering why I would open up my life, revealing intimate tales about my family. Simply stated, I felt an obligation to speak up for my great grandmother, my grandmother, my mother, and my sister, as well as the other women in my family who were not given the chance to either live full lives or tell their stories. I felt a duty to those on whose shoulders I stood, as well as those who will come after me, including my soon-to-be eleven-year-old granddaughter, by traversing family territory in a way that shows how deeply we carry stories. My hope is that, as you read about my journey, you will be encouraged to explore the genesis of your family’s stories and embrace the surprises and mysteries you will encounter.

In the photo above, my mother (on the right), is with two of her younger sisters. My mother and her youngest sister (the baby in the picture) had both passed away when I wrote the memoir but, I felt their presence, as though they were standing by my desk, encouraging me. This helped me to see that, in spite of my complicated relationship with my mother while she was alive, I missed and needed her. I came to understand just how much of her life story was also mine. You see, I believe that rather than writing stories; we are born into narratives that have been passed down through generations, often by our mothers.

Most of us think of ourselves as independent beings, capable of living full lives without the influence of family. Some who had negative or abusive family experiences, want to correct those patterns and, in doing so, break off connection with our relatives. That may be the healthiest response and it’s understandable; however, I believe that even when we do end relationships, we still carry the imprint of family tales that cannot be seen or heard. Unconsciously we have absorbed patterns and templates of the stories lived by our ancestors and they remain, buried deep in our bones, in our cells, shaping our lives in ways we cannot always imagine. As we explore these tales, we may begin to see a faint outline of the system that ties us to our ancestors, through stories.  

Much like the Mother Tree in the forest that creates an underground web of intricate relationships with other trees, providing nourishment to saplings and passing along environmental wisdom about survival, we are tied to our mothers and grandmothers in ways that are not always visible on the surface. We cannot see the work that takes place beneath the forest floor by the mother tree. Out of our sight, she creates a root system that supports the entire web of life. As human daughters, we are tied to our mothers and grandmothers by stories that we often do not know or fully appreciate, and these stories mirror the web of roots that grow underground, weaving across one another in the soil.  

The stories in my memoir show how wisdom and knowledge was passed in my family at a deep, cellular level and I hope as you read, you respond to my invitation to follow me beneath the surface as I explore the stories that were carried across generations. Some of the women in my family carried astounding and mysterious tales that repeated in unexpected ways in the lives of their offspring. I hope my words will encourage you to begin to notice the web of stories that connects you with the women (and men) in your life. I hope you will develop an awareness of the interrelatedness of family, even if you do not have close relationships with some members. I hope you will decide to enter into the dark forest of your family’s life and trust the mystery of the story to emerge. I promise you that it will do so.  

As a final word, I want to explain that I do not preach or lecture about how to heal relationships with our ancestors, nor do I suggest that we can always do so. There are some instances where the harm that has been inflicted cannot be repaired. Not in this lifetime, on this earth. In those situations, we have the right to be angry, to feel deprived or neglected, and no one should either diminish or dismiss that pain. What I hope you will take from my memoir is the notion that self-healing can come from the process of searching for and discovering the story.

Restoration is possible when we begin to weave together bits and pieces of stories that seem not to be connected. We may even experience a sense of cohesion or wholeness by creating something of beauty, using pieces of the stories of brokenness. In other words, the healing comes in the process of making, as is often the case in art.

As author Oscar Wilde observed, “Life imitates art far more often than art imitates life.” If we do not know our ancestral stories, we may find ourselves in the middle of a life that’s we’ve been written into, rather than one we’ve narrated for ourselves.

Much like the mother tree who contributes to the web of life in her community, we are all sustaining a system of stories that are capable of influencing our lives and the lives of our loved ones. We contribute to this system by weaving together pieces of our life experiences with our family’s history and, as we do so, we are creating a storied sanctuary. This memoir is a calling to you to step into your tale and allow the telling to become the process through which the story “mothers” you.  

I wish peace and blessings to all as you read.

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